I should have fought for us
by shanqi
Summary: Running, the St Bonaventure Charity Gala, dancing and rain. This is how I wish things would go.


She had been running with Neil in the early morning or late at night for several weeks had slowly discovered the fun and playful side of her very serious and strict attending of the last three years. When she had taught Shaun the three signs of flirting back in their first year of residency, she'd scoffed at Shaun's idea that she was attracted to Melendez in any way. Now, after getting to know the real Neil, she had started to entertain the possibilities.

It was these thoughts that had kept Claire from noticing Neil's uncharacteristic silence. They had become good friends over time and conversation had always come easily, but as they stopped for a stretch to cool down, Claire suddenly realizes Neil hadn't spoken for much of their run. She looks over at him and can see that he was deep in thought.

"What's got you so quiet this morning?" Claire asks, finally breaking the silence, "What's on your mind?"

"Oh, nothing," Neil replies, startled from his thoughts. He couldn't tell her that he'd been distracted by a very loud motorcyclist speeding past them on their run. If he had, he'd have to explain that the obnoxious motorcyclist had reminded him of Audrey and he'd been thinking of her all this time. As much as he wanted to respect Audrey's decision to end their relationship, he couldn't help missing her and, contrary to everything he was telling himself, his feelings hadn't gone away as much as he'd hoped.

Seeing the disbelief on Claire's face, he quickly adds, "Just the charity gala."

"Oh yeah, that's tonight, right?" Claire prompts, hoping he would elaborate. When Neil simply nods with a pursed smile, she continues brightly, "It's not that bad! Cozying up to donors isn't that enjoyable but I'm sure Shaun will keep us amused with his commentary of all the personalities in attendance."

Neil laughs, recalling Murphy's observations on the very affectionate Mrs. Tindale at last year's gala, "Yes, I'm sure we'll be thoroughly amused by Murphy's assessment of our donors. But I'm not looking forward to being stuck on the dance floor with donors."

"Well, you could take a break and have a dance with a friend," Claire suggests.

Neil's smile is replaced again by a grimace, "Claire, I don't think that's —"

"Come on, it's just a dance between colleagues," she interrupts, knowing his mind was still on the favoritism complaint. "If you don't want to appear like you're playing favorites, I'll ask Morgan to dance with you too."

-

After a simple scheduled coronary bypass in the late morning, Neil had busied himself with paperwork for the rest of the day to keep his thoughts from wandering to Audrey. Unfortunately, when he found himself chatting with Mr. Cooper many hours later at St Bonaventure's annual charity gala, the conversation wasn't interesting enough to keep him from scanning the room for her.

After Mr. Cooper is led away by Glassman, Neil watches Audrey as she slowly makes her rounds around the room, smiling at donors and faithfully playing the role of Chief of Surgery. He's always in awe of her beauty but especially tonight, in the deep blue form-fitting dress she'd chosen for the gala. His thoughts are only pulled away from her when Morgan joins him at his table, "Claire says you asked for a dance, Dr. Melendez?"

Neil smiles politely at her and holds out his hand in response, which she takes as he leads her to the dance floor. They're halfway through the song before either of them attempts to make conversation.

"Have you been enjoying the gala so far?" Neil asks politely, though he already knew the answer, judging by the scowl on Reznick's face.

"It's okay, you don't have to make small talk," Morgan responds bitterly, "I know you're just dancing with me so that it won't seem like favoritism when you dance with Claire."

Neil is taken aback by her snappiness, "Hang on, Morgan —"

"It's fine, I understand," she interrupts, sounding anything but fine. "I know you two have some friendship going on and you're helping her deal with her grief and issues. It's fine. I'm not going to take that away from her. If I did, she'd probably never speak to me again."

"She'd probably never speak to you again if she knew you filed that complaint," he adds in a low voice.

"What?" Morgan exclaims, pulling away briefly before resuming dancing with Melendez and whispering angrily, "What did Lim say? That was supposed to be anonymous! How could she —"

"Dr. Lim didn't have to say anything," Neil responds calmly, continuing to move with Morgan in time with the music, "Your jealousy is clear as day."

For the second time, Morgan pulls away with a disbelieving "What?" and this time, she doesn't take his hand again. "I'm not jealous of Claire," she huffs, just loud enough for him to hear, then leaves him on the dance floor in search of Claire and Shaun.

"That's not what I meant," Neil mutters to himself, shaking his head as she walks away.

-

Less than a half-hour later, Claire finds herself winding her way around donors as she heads back to their table after dancing with Neil. She picks up Morgan's half-empty glass of wine and downs it in one go.

"Hey, that's mine!" Morgan teases, snatching the empty glass back.

Claire ignores her outburst, getting straight to the matter on her mind. "He's clearly still worried about appearing biased towards me. He kept glancing at Lim, checking to see if she was watching."

Morgan scans the crowd for Melendez, watching him making his way towards Lim, trying to make it seem like he'd unintentionally ended up near her. She smirks and points them out to Claire. "I don't think that's why he was watching Lim," she comments suggestively.

"They broke up months ago," Claire replies with a scoff, "They're just friends."

"You keep telling yourself that," Morgan laughs as she heads off in search of another drink.

-

Audrey was making polite conversation with Glassman (read: complaining about having to make polite conversation) when Neil started heading her way. She could see him coming out of the corner of her eye, even though he was clearly trying hard to make it appear like he wasn't walking directly towards her. She has to bite her lip to keep from smiling at the ridiculousness of it all. Who did he think he was fooling? As he gets closer, she reads the look on his face and knows immediately what he wants from her. Unfortunately, Audrey isn't given the chance to slip away as Glassman beckons Neil over to their table.

"Maybe you can persuade Audrey to take a spin with you on the dance floor, Neil," Glassman says as he heads off to thank the last of the departing guests, "She's been refusing everyone's invitations all night."

"Is that right?" Neil teases, smiling widely at Audrey, "You haven't accepted a single dance tonight?"

"You know how it is," Audrey sighs, smiling back, "Between all the smiling and handshaking, I've run out of patience to be polite to anyone for the length of an entire song."

"Do you think you have enough patience left for me?" Neil asks, holding out his hand and grinning.

"Neil, we shouldn't," Audrey warns, her brow furrowed.

"Come on, it's just a dance between colleagues," he says, repeating Claire's words to him earlier that morning, "or a dance between old friends." Audrey's frown softens into a smile as she recalls memories of their previous rodeos on the dance floor. Neil doesn't wait for her response, grabbing her hand and leading her through the mess of tables, smiling to himself as she intertwines her fingers with his out of habit.

He draws her into his arms as the music starts but she keeps a hand on his shoulder, maintaining a respectable distance. "Neil …" she starts, frowning again but he pulls her towards him again and whispers in her ear, "We've done worse before."

Audrey gives in and lets him wrap his arm around her waist, swaying with him in time to the music, clearly too close to be just friends. She lets herself laugh loudly at his jokes about their days in residency and the lengths they went to that one year to avoid having to interact with any donors. They're laughing and grinning and enjoying each other's company when Neil suddenly says, "I miss you."

He watches Audrey blink away tears and feels her pull away but he tightens his arm around her. "I miss this," he continues hurriedly, "I miss us."

"Stop it," she demands, pushing him away and pulling her hand out of his grasp. "Don't do this, Neil," she begs him before walking away, heading towards the door.

Neil is rooted to the dance floor, thoughts running a million miles per hour through his head. Through the confusion of feelings, doubts, and worries crossing his mind, only one thought makes sense to him and he hurries to catch up with Audrey.

-

"You still think they're 'just friends', Claire?" Morgan asks mockingly, reveling in the look of surprise on Claire's face.

"We never talked about Lim," Claire said, disappointment slowly sinking in, "I thought he'd gotten over her."

"Doesn't look like it," Morgan replies, "Should we find a seat closer to the show?" She hooks her arm through Claire's and drags her towards the door, after Lim and Melendez.

-

Throughout the night, clouds had gathered overhead and rain is now pouring down on those unlucky enough to still be leaving the gala. Standing at the edge of the curtain of rain, just outside the hospital's doors, Audrey contemplates dashing across the uncovered courtyard. She knows Neil will hesitate before getting his expensive tux soaked in this downpour. She's caught thinking too long though, as Neil emerges from the revolving doors and she's pushed to take her chances with the rain.

"Audrey, don't —" Neil yells above the deafening downpour, grabbing onto her hand but she slips out of his grasp and steps out into the rain. Neil curses under his breath, staring testily at the rain. "Screw it. I've come this far already," he says to himself, stepping into the rain and running after Audrey. When he finally catches up, he manages to wrap his hands around her wrist, pulling her back towards him.

"Neil, please don't do this," Audrey pleads again.

"No, Audrey," Neil says, pulling her tightly into his arms to stop her from running again and to make sure she hears every word he has to say. "I love you, Audrey. I thought I could get used to loving you as a friend again, but I can't. I won't. I love you and I want this. I want us. I'm prepared to fight for it. I'm prepared to fight for you, no matter what."

"We've already tried, Neil," Audrey replies, and he can see the tears that roll down her face, mingling with the rain. "We tried and it didn't work. It won't work. There are reasons that the hospital doesn't allow this. We'll be making the same stupid —"

"No," Neil cuts her off, cupping her face with one hand and wiping the rain and tears away with his thumb, "No. I didn't fight for us last time. When you became chief, I had my doubts. You fought for us and reassured me that things would get better. You told me that we would get better. You were right. We'll get better at this. We'll get better at balancing our relationship and our jobs. We were getting better."

He pulls her into his embrace, "I was wrong, Audrey. You fought for us when I was unsure. I should have fought for us when you wanted to give up. Give us another chance. Please."

Hearing all this, Audrey nods and finally returns his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. Neil closes the distance, mashing his lips to hers and kissing her hard, glad that she'd finally agreed. She kisses him back hungrily, relieved that he'd said the words she didn't even know she wanted to hear.

-

Claire and Morgan had stayed underneath the awning to keep dry, arms locked together as they watched the scene play out before them. They can't hear anything but it's clear that Melendez is trying to win Lim over and it's even more obvious that he's succeeded when end up kissing in the pouring rain.

"Don't be so down," Morgan says to Claire, a little too cheerily, "You can't really have thought you'd have a chance with Melendez."

"No, I suppose not," Claire replies glumly, "He's my attending and my mentor, it would be too complicated." She sighs and turns away to head back inside.

"Hey," Morgan calls out, following Claire back through the revolving doors and resting an arm around her shoulders, "Let's drown your sorrows in a beer, or ten. First rounds on me."


End file.
